Wednesday, January 6, 2016

In Memory of Coconut- the little love of my life

Today, on January 6, 2016 I lost my best friend, my love, my little companion.  After two years of fighting auto immune disease and then lymphoma, Coconut's little body just couldn't take it anymore.  It was the hardest decision to make, but she was not going to get better, she wasn't even the same Coconut this past week, really, in the past few weeks she started changing, sleeping more, eating less.  I thought it was the cancer but apparently the cancer had triggered a whole bunch of other problems that we did not know.  And the little honey just couldn't take it, she was defeated after a good hard fight and it was time to let her rest in peace.  My life will never be the same, I don't have kids and so I gave her all my love and all of my attention.  Maybe it wasn't healthy for me to do so, but I wouldn't change anything.  She knew how much I loved her, and fought to the bitter end to stay with me.  She was feisty, tough and so smart.  Her personality is what made us fall in love with her and take her home.  As she grew up, my husband and I bonded with her like we would a daughter- and she knew it.  She knew we were mommy and daddy and that she was our baby.  And I am so glad that we gave her that.
I only wish I had more time to love her.  I kept her favorite toys and her first hello kitty blankie that still has her little smell.  I loved the way she smelled, not just after a bath but when her doggie smell came out.  I can still smell that smell if I think about kissing her little head.  I tried to breathe that in as much as I could, especially over the last two years.  I was afraid of this day, when I would not be able to hold her and smell her little smell again.  It hurts my heart, I have to keep reminding myself that it was the right thing to do for her.  Her comfort and quality of life is more important than my pain.  Isn't that what all mommies feel? 

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